I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
