your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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