i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
