I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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