sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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