also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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