If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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