i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
