we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
