Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
