I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
