After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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