I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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