I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She even gives head with a lisp.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
