Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
