Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
