My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Say something about gay babies.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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