I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
