While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
