I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
