Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The beer is more important than you right now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
