I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
