taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
