The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
