Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wear drunk well.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
