Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
