oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
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I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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