Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.

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(813): I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night. http://tfl.nu/ctdw

Replies (15) Good night (964) Bad night (8267)
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(716): View more from New York

dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex

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(716): dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex http://tfl.nu/pkc8

Replies (21) Good night (5668) Bad night (762)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.

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(617): I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while. http://tfl.nu/clpn

Replies (15) Good night (4562) Bad night (1509)
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(210): View more from Texas

I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too

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(210): I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too http://tfl.nu/8tiw

Replies (10) Good night (7546) Bad night (989)
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(845): View more from New York

Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention

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(845): Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention http://tfl.nu/alzz

Replies (9) Good night (4357) Bad night (1367)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.

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(203): just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now. http://tfl.nu/42b8

Replies (7) Good night (2780) Bad night (997)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?

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(270): Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off? http://tfl.nu/sbu9

Replies (19) Good night (702) Bad night (3676)
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(716): View more from New York

it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.

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(716): it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours. http://tfl.nu/lt62

Replies (3) Good night (1713) Bad night (804)
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(716): View more from New York

and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt

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(716): and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt http://tfl.nu/qzo4

Replies (12) Good night (741) Bad night (1403)
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(530): View more from California

they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(

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(530): they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :( http://tfl.nu/bt8b

Replies (2) Good night (925) Bad night (546)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.

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(301): Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows. http://tfl.nu/8j3i

Replies (2) Good night (1184) Bad night (488)
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(207): View more from Maine

My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.

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(207): My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday. http://tfl.nu/r4jt

Replies (14) Good night (2615) Bad night (508)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing

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(203): this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing http://tfl.nu/0rfp

Replies (5) Good night (662) Bad night (424)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.

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(734): Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink. http://tfl.nu/pqtj

Replies (1) Good night (392) Bad night (859)
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(970): View more from Colorado

My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.

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(970): My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment. http://tfl.nu/pqim

Replies (0) Good night (676) Bad night (268)

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