i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I want to be your penis for a week.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
