I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here