oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
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Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
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I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.