Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
