garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
