Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.