Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?