I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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