all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
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chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.