My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
