You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
