don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
