I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
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Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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