Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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