How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was confusing and full of hummus
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Randomize
