It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
