their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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