my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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