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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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