can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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