I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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