yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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