I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
