Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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