is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
