I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
