The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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