11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
