I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
