I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize