Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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