Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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