just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
