I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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