I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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