I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize