Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
