so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wear drunk well.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
