What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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