yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
