My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
