I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
