Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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