Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
