I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Please, let me fuck your mom
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
BRING THE BAGELS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
