I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
