Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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