so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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