They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
