I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I faked an abortion last night.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
