It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
