i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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