I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
