I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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