Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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