chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
