If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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