I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
