You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
