And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
