Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
