I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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