your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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