My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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