you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
